By Godfrey Kuteesa
I started masturbating when I was in P.4. I did not know that it would escalate into a big problem but it did. It started small when I watched the first blue movie on a VHS Cassette at my friends’ house.
After I had watched pornography a couple of times during my holiday, my body hormones started raging. I did not know what to do and who to ask about what I was experiencing at that young age. When I went back to school, my body started asking for more pornography but it couldn’t get it. My body needed satisfaction but it was no where to be seen.
One day, as I was in the bathroom, at school, (I don’t know how but) I started touching myself. This felt somewhat interesting so I did it more and more. That was the first day, I started masturbating. This day was the beginning of a 20year battle and until now, I resent this day.
I hate everything that I did to myself because I was young and ignorant. Something that I started innocently gripped my life and became a burden. I started masturbating every morning before preps and every evening after preps until it became a compulsive behavior that I could do more than 3 times a day. At first, I thought it was something in my control but the more I did it, the more I lost power over it.
Masturbation, is such a beast. I wouldn’t wish it on anyones son. It’s a leviathan, of which the moment, you open the door and welcome it in, it will get a hold of you and demand you to feed it with more and more.
No body wants to talk about masturbation but this behavior is so real and so damaging. Church doesn’t want to talk about it but its happening. A lot of our sons are being affected by masturbation though they’re silent. They can’t talk about it with their parents because of-course even the parents are shy to hear such word itself.
When a boy is masturbating today and he doesn’t get help, chances are that this habit will become an addiction. When that addiction comes into play, he’ll escalate from masturbation to Compulsive Sex and buying prostitutes.
According to Dr.Patrick Carnes, in his book Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction, he writes and explains that masturbation is part of the Level One Sex Addiction. Level One Sexual addiction, are those sexual behaviors which are victimless or that don’t involve harming another person. In Level One category, we have behaviors like; Compulsive relationships, visiting centerfolds, watching pornography, Strip shows, Prostitution, Anonymous Sex and lastly, masturbation which is my focus today.
When a boy starts watching pornography, there is a very high chance he will start masturbating. When he starts doing this, it will feel good and satisfying for him in the first few times but soon or later, he’ll feel empty. If this goes on over time, it will become a degrading event for him.
Dr Carnes, mentions that a person who masturbates four to five times a day for years, develops a Secret Life. With this feeling of frustration or loneliness, a person addicted to masturbation will always make sure he gets a private place to do it. Masturbation loves privacy and darkness. This is the reason why I have always told parents of sons to be very careful when they start seeing a few changes and unexplained patterns in their boys behavior.
Take an example of a 9,10,12 yr old son who always enjoyed, staying around, chatting with everybody and now out of the blue, he’s become secretive and loves spending time in his bedroom, with door locked and moreover in the dark. Wouldn’t this be a signal to wake up. Wouldn’t you want to know what’s going on in your son’s mind.
Dear, parent of a growing son. It is foolish to think that your son is still young, innocent and ignorant about pornography and masturbation. In this current day and age where everything sexualized and targeting boys, I want to advise you to wake up and think again.
Masturbation is real and many boys are struggling with it.Yours to might be struggling with it. You can live in denial about this all you want but it’s happening. Our boys need help. They need to be taught the truth about this filthy behaviour such that they can live free. The world keeps on giving them the wrong messages about sex & enjoyment but we’re not doing anything about it to counteract those messages.
Masturbation such a dangerous habit to boys. It affects them both physically and spiritually.
One of the many effects it causes, physically is Erectile Dysfunction: (ED). Erectile Dysfunction is when a person finds it hard to erect when the time has come sex. Such people with this problem end up relying on sexual enhancers like : viagra, stendra, levitra etc. Their God given ability to erect naturally was impaired due to compulsive masturbation.
Spiritually, masturbation is a sin against God. it affects and bind you twice against God and against man. It leads to rejection. Masturbation makes you dirty and filthy in front of a clean, Holy God. Each time a person masturbates, he joins himself with another woman through imagination during the act. A boy who is watching porn, will take away the man who is doing the action and will put himself there in an imaginary world as he does the act of rubbing himself.
This spiritual bondage can be explained in 1 Cor 06:16, when Paul wrote to the perverted Christians in Corinth asking them,
“And don’t you realize that if a man (boy) joins himself with a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the scriptures say the two are united into one.”
This is what Masturbation does. It joins us with the harlots. It throws us into a place filled with chuff. As a father or mother, you have to rise up and protect / talk to your son about this behavior.
Don’t be shy about it. Shyness won’t help but it will only create a fertile ground for sin to grow. Don’t pretend like you don’t know what to say. Seek out information about these subject and talk with your boy. Don’t wait for internet to do it for you.
Sit your son down and talk to him about porn and masturbation. When he admits that he’s heard about it or he’s done it and he’s struggling, don’t freak out but instead let him know that you can be his shoulder to in this time. Assure your son that he’s not being judged. Show him that you’re available for him to share anything personal. Let him know that however ugly something is, it can’t change the fact that you love him. You gave birth to him and you see a lot of good things in him.
Boys need a lot of encouragement. They need to know that they’re not being judged for their struggles and there’s hope. Assure your son that if he tells you something and you don’t have an answer to it, you will do whatever it takes to get him a solution. Your son needs to know that you’ll walk the journey of recovery from Pornography and Masturbation with him until the end.
Godfrey Kuteesa is the founder of the Kuteesa Foundation, a non-profit organisation that mentors, equips and rehabilitates boys.
