“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
[Proverbs 22:6]
I believe that most professing Christians are acquainted with our sermon text. The sound of it is probably very familiar to your ears, like an old tune. It is likely that you have heard it, or read it, talked of it, or quoted it, many times.
But, despite it being a well-known Bible verse, how little do we regard its truth! The doctrine it contains appears scarcely known, the duty it puts before us is seldom put into practice.
It cannot be said that the subject is a new one. We live in days where there is a mighty zeal for education. We hear of new schools rising up everywhere in the country. We are told of new systems, and new books for the young, of every sort and description. And still for all of this, the vast majority of children are clearly not trained in the way they should go, for when they grow up, they do not walk with God.
Believe me, the subject is one that should hit home to every conscience, and make every one ask himself the question, “In the matter of training children, am I doing what I am supposed to do?”
If you want to train your children correctly, train them in the way they should go, and not in the way that they want to go.
The mother cannot tell what her tender little infant may grow up to be—tall or short, weak or strong, wise or foolish—he may be any of these things or not—it is all uncertain. But one thing the mother can say with certainty: he will have a corrupt and sinful heart. It is natural for us to do wrong. “Folly,” says Solomon, “is bound up in the heart of a child” [Proverbs 22:15]. “A child left to himself disgraces his mother” [Proverbs 29:15]. Our hearts are like the earth on which we walk; leave it alone, and it is sure to bear weeds.
If, then, you want to be wise in dealing with your child, then you must not leave him to the guidance of his own will. Think for him, judge for him, act for him, just as you would for one who is weak and blind; but for pity’s sake, do not allow him to pursue his own unruly tastes and inclinations.
It must not be his tendencies and wishes that are favored. He does not yet know what is good for his mind and soul, any more than what is good for his body. Be consistent, and deal with his mind in the same manner. Train him in the way that is scriptural and right, and not in the way that he thinks is right.
Train your child with all tenderness, affection, and patience.
Love is the one great secret of successful training. Anger and harshness may frighten them, but they will not persuade the child that you are right; and if he often sees you angry and harsh, you will soon cease to have his respect. A father who speaks to his son as Saul did to Jonathan, saying. “You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don’t I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you?” [1 Samuel 20:30], that father who speaks like this cannot expect to retain his influence over that son’s mind.
Try hard to maintain your child’s affections. It is a dangerous thing to make your children afraid of you. Anything is almost better than the coldness and bitterness that will come between you and your children, because they are afraid of you. Fear puts an end to openness between the parent and child—fear leads to concealment—fear sows the seed of hypocrisy, and leads to many lies. There is a great deal of truth in the Apostle’s words to the Colossians: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. [Colossians 3:21] Do not ignore his advice.
His Grace is Sufficient.
I know that you cannot convert your child. I know that they who are born again are born, not of the will of man, but of God. But I also know that God specifically says, “Train a child in the way he should go,” and that He never gave a command to men and women which He would not give them the grace to perform.
And, I also know that our duty is not to stand still and dispute the command, but to go forward and obey it. It is only when we move out in obedience that God will meet us. The path of obedience is the way in which He gives the blessing. We only have to do as the servants were commanded at the marriage feast in Cana, to fill the water-pots with water, and we may safely leave it to the Lord to turn that water into wine.
Train your child to have a knowledge of the Bible.
You cannot make your children love the Bible, I admit. No one but the Holy Spirit can give us a heart to delight in the Word. But you can make sure that your children are acquainted with the Bible; and remember that they can never become acquainted with that blessed book too soon, or too well.
See that your children read the Bible reverently. Train them to look upon it, not as the word of men, but as it truly is, the Word of God, written by the Holy Spirit Himself—all true, all profitable, and able to make us wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.
Brethren, do not pretend to be wiser than God—train your children as He trains His.
Do not shrink from chastising and correcting him whenever you see his soul’s health requires it, however painful it may be to your feelings; and remember medicines for the mind must not be rejected because they are bitter. This is God’s plan.
Do not forget that children learn more by the eye than they do by the ear. Children are very quick observers; very quick in seeing through some kinds of hypocrisy, very quick in finding out what you really think and feel, very quick in adopting all your ways and opinions. You will often discover that, as the father is, so is the son.
If you ever wish that your children would be the restorers of your life, and the nourishers of your old age—if you want them to have blessings and not curses—joys and not sorrows: if this is your wish, then remember my advice, train them while they are young, and in the right way.
By J. C. Ryle for UG Christian news.
