John 16:33 says, “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”
As a captain prepares his passengers before takeoff so does Jesus prepare the church of the times ahead. In the same way, I believe marriage preparation is an effective way of ensuring that stable couple relationships are maintained in Uganda.
How I wish there was someone to tell us before we got married that “in your marriage ye shall have tribulation but be of good cheer there are many who have overcome.”
This would help couples clarify expectations, identify areas needing change, learn and practice communication and conflict resolution skills, and develop more intimacy. With preparation, couples get to stay positive and consistently brace themselves for both good and bad seasons in marriage.
When you experience good times, celebrate together and when tough times come, tell yourself that the “we” is more important than the “me.” This will strengthen you and keep your love healthy and strong. Pray together daily, have a regular date night, attend church as a couple and most importantly have intimate sexual conversations and acts.
In my view, one of the most critical skill to learn in your early years of marriage and relationship is to be tough on yourself and less demanding toward your spouse. This simply means that you embrace your spouse fully, and are willing to grow in your own areas of personal weakness. Forgiveness, grace and mercy are the traits that protect the “we” of love. This means we expect much more from ourselves compared to what we expect from our spouse.
Prioritize each other: When you are joined as family, life speeds up. Your resources, schedules and patience are stretched. Sweet memories are punctuated by sleepless nights as you learn to balance work, home, relationships and personal pursuit. This stage of marriage can lead us to drift apart but if one is prepared, this stage wouldn’t break you, but shall define the next years of your relationship.
No matter the season of marriage or the changes that come your way, it’s essential to understand that you are two different people who deal differently with stress, and because you understand and are well aware of this, you shall empathize to your spouse.
Psychology shows that while women tend to talk, men tend to silently junk. This knowledge and appreciation of our differences reduces tensions and blockages in our relationship and other channels of God’s blessing.
You can’t always foresee the changes that will affect your marriage, but you always have a choice in whether those transitions make you resilient or make you want to run. Just as my wife and I came to realize, how you handle stress will define the quality of your love — year after year.
derrickibbedi@gmail.com
Derrick Kibbedi is a relationship counselor, married and blessed with four children.
