It would be a lie to say that there is a perfect marriage out there that doesn’t suffer a bit of discord from time to time. Yes, there are marriages that last for decades and decades, “Until death do us part” but even those marriages experience a few brief squabbles from time to time. Even so, for the most part they are strong and sound.
If you have been experiencing a bit of discord in your marriage, the best thing to do might be to really take a look at what is the ultimate cause. It isn’t always what meets the eye.
Texting & Messaging
Sometimes the reason couples are having problems in their marriage is simply a lack of real communication. It is becoming increasingly popular to text and send private messages via social sites like Facebook and oddly, you even see couples texting who are in the same room together! No, they are not trying to be ‘private’ in their conversations, they are simply just used to communicating that way. If you are having issues communicating with your spouse, try setting down the phone or tablet for a few days. You’d be surprised at what a little bit of face-to-face eye contact would do for a relationship that has seemingly lost that ‘connection.’
Inability to Argue
Somewhere along the line many couples have gotten the notion that a ‘normal’ relationship or a sound marriage doesn’t see its fair share of arguments. Studies have shown that keeping things bottled up inside leads to a number of real issues such as an increase in hormones that build up leading to an all-out emotional explosion. If you see a counselor, the first thing he or she will do is help you learn to express your feelings without being overly harsh or judgmental.
It really is okay to disagree on some things but still remain just as in-love and companionable as you were during your courtship. The key is in learning to express yourself without alluding to a shortcoming or problem in the other. This is where ‘I messages’ come in handy. “I feel that…” or “I see such and such” not “You always…” or “You are doing that wrong.”
Glamorized On-Screen Romances
Everyone loves a good film but love stories often get in the way of real life relationships. These were written by screenwriters and authors who want to paint a fairy tale ending. This is what sells theater tickets and so couples often get the wrong idea about their own marriage. There isn’t always a happily ever after in the same sense as the movie would have you believe.
Sometimes there are real problems and obstacles that need to be overcome. From eminent domain threatening your property to insufficient funds to pay a bill, real problems are for real in the real world.
When all is said and done, a solid marriage is one where communication comes naturally. If it takes seeing a counselor to help learn the art of communications, then that is what it takes. But if you are having problems, understand that your marriage isn’t abnormal. All couples disagree sometimes and all couples experience external problems that affect their life at home. Learning to work through them is the key but happily, one that unlocks the door closing you off from that relationship you know is hiding behind.
by David Fournier
