We all like to have children as parents and this is believed to be one way of cementing a marriage relationship between the couples. To others, it‘s what makes them men or women since they have multiplied themselves and can also boost to be parents.
Some parents forget that having children is one thing but also bonding with them is another. Bonding is having a good parent-child relationship. It should start right away from the time of conception and all through. Fathers, who give time to talk to their infants during pregnancy, sing or pray for them as they touch their wives wombs and are present through the early childhood, have good fond closeness with their children. But the ones who are never present find it hard to fully be in the children’s lives. Chances are that children cannot quickly be affectionate with them even when they know this is my father/mother.
It is very important to stir a good relationship between you and your children when they are still very young. Never jump any stage and think that things will work well later. The busy or working parents need to deliberately spare enough time to be with their children. There is nothing hurting like your child calling you Aunt/uncle because he/she thinks you are not the biological parent. I have heard fathers who shared that they used to work from far or where “absent” parents but even when they would come home once in a month, children would come and greet them as uncles or run away from them thinking they are like any other stranger /visitor.
Some parents are harsh to their children at home to the extent that when they are at home, it is like a rat has smelt a cat in the vicinity. Others don’t mind being good friends to their children at all. However much you provide everything to your child, you must be deliberate to create good parent-child relationship so that the young one is free to confide in you. You must be physically, spiritually and emotionally present in your child’s life. You must express your love and care to them. Words of affirmation speak a lot to children. Create time to play with them, read a book together, sing and have fun when you are available no matter the short time you have. Let them feel your little time of presence and keep looking forward to when you will together again.
Family time is important for all your children. It is an opportunity to share good memories with them; tell those stories, ask them certain questions, make jokes, pray and fellowship together, emphasize to have meals together. Don’t be a nagging parent to your children. If you are usually an absent parent due to work, always organize special time with them like retreats/outings, visits so that they feel your presence. Involve them in your businesses, decision making, allow them to visit you at your workplace once in a while. You must keep communication with them. These days due to social media, regularly contact is easier regardless of the distance. If you are very far, plan live phone/video or Skype calls and at least chat with them daily when they are free and give each one of them an opportunity to talk to you. The more you bond with them, the easier it becomes to parent them. You neglect them today; they will neglect you when you are older.
The writer is a child advocate and parenting coach.
tumudickson@gmail.com
