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Most of us have heard it consistently being said that no man is an island, which means that we as individuals were made for relationships. Whether you like it or not, you only get to advance through life and live out your purpose with the help of a network of people in your life.
Nevertheless, while dating, none of us ever intends to entangle with people who will damage us emotionally, spiritually or mentally, sometimes it happens because they are all around us. You see, not everyone is being intentional about spiritual and personal growth and that’s what causes people to have toxic behavior.
First, let’s get into some of the characteristics to help you identify a toxic person or relationship;
Deception
You will always find out that what they tell you about themselves is not the truth about who they are and the reason they do this is to manipulate you to respond to them the way they want you to. For a toxic person telling the truth is a no-no because it might provoke you to make choices that do no serve their interests
Self-centeredness
A toxic person will always be centered on themselves in the relationship. Everything they do is about getting what they want and there is no amount of giving to them that gets them concerned about your needs.
Non-apologetic
A toxic person never admits when he/she is wrong. In fact, all of his/her wrongs are blamed on you. Their unhealthy habits already put them in feeling very low about themselves so it is impossible that they will take responsibility for any wrongs committed. Actually, in a toxic relationship, you get to always clean up the mess; you apologize for their wrongs!
Unreliable
You cannot count on a toxic person in time of need. Any opportunity to support you, spiritually, financially or emotionally is seen as losing out on their side, after all, they are here to be filled, why give. A toxic person will give all kinds of excuses why they can’t help even when they are in a position to help. Commitments are not honored in a toxic relationship.
Unforgiving
Even when you have apologized a toxic person will keep score of all the wrongs you’ve done and they will even use them to justify their constantly annoying behavior.
Narcism
Toxic people usually have an inflated sense of self-importance, always working to obtain the admiration of others, believing others are inferior and lacking empathy for others. This prideful attitude is a tool they use to manipulate others to accommodate them with their unhealthy behaviors.
Non-respectful of boundaries
In a toxic relationship, your boundaries are always over-stepped simply because a toxic person does not expect their partner to have needs and interests they care about rather it’s all about him/her being served. If it is in a love-birds relationship, for example, a toxic person thinks it’s their partner’s responsibility to deal with his/her lust so they will force premarital sex.
Moving on, there is a whole lot that can be said to describe a toxic relationship/friendship situation but the number one symptom that you are dealing with one is that you will be emotionally, mentally and spiritually drained all of the time.
So if you have now discovered that you are in a toxic situation, what next? Well, Just move on because anything toxic will destroy you. What I am going to discuss next is how to get the courage to move on since toxic people are so manipulative they make it difficult for you to move on with their tendency to make it seem like you cannot live without them or that they cannot live without you.
Firstly, pray. Honey, you will need all the strength that only God can give to move on and not look back. Toxic people have a tendency of playing the victim and getting you looped in continuously having to apologize for their own wrongs so your heart will need to be guarded against all the possible manipulative ways they will react when you choose to move on.
Secondly, be prepared not to take responsibility for their actions after you’ve moved on. You see for a toxic person when there is conflict it all about proving that you, and not them was wrong. So if you’ve been let say in a love relationship, don’t take it personally when they quickly jump into another while you still stay single. It’s not about you not having been good enough really, it’s them trying to prove to the world that they are not responsible for the fallout and this rebound relationship is their way of distracting themselves from the guilt of what they’ve done.
Thirdly, remember that now you have an opportunity to live all the dreams that were on the verge of being destroyed by this destructive relationship. Don’t waste time regretting, wishing, which of course doesn’t come easily but will definitely fade away as you instead use your mouth to confess upon yourself the good that you know you are. Speak God’s word over your life and nullify every negative word spoken to you by that toxic person with the blood of Jesus.
Well with that said here is a sample prayer for you to overcome and disconnect from toxic people and the pain they could have caused you.
Prayer one ( For If you haven’t given your life to Christ)
Lord Jesus, I believe you came on earth and gave up your Life on the cross so I can inherit eternal life. Today I (Your name) choose you as my LORD and savior, please forgive me of my sins and Cleanse me with your blood. Remove my name from the book of death and write it in the book of Life.Fill me with your holy Spirit, so I can learn how to live for you. In Jesus’ name i Pray, Amen
Prayer two (For grace and strength to break off and move on from a toxic relationship) – ref: 2 Corinthians 5:17 and Isaiah 43:18-19
Father in heaven, you are a good Father who wants what’s best for your children. You are mighty to deliver me even from this seemingly lowest pit. Forgive me for what I did wrong to put myself in this situation and restore me for in Christ I am made a new creation and the old things are taken away. Sweet holy spirit, help me to forget that old situation and not dwell on it for the Lord is doing a new thing and I do not want to miss it. In Jesus’ Mighty Name I Pray Amen.
Well, I hope you are blessed and will move on into pursuing your purpose with a clear mind.
kellenn365@gmail.com
The writer is the author of ‘You Are Great Too’, a book that seeks to offer answers to the question, “What can I do with my life?”. She is CEO at www.kellendestiny.com
