Every marriage relationship begins when it is like a hot cake and everything seems to work well. But as days pass by, certain issues start emerging and cause disharmony. What started sweeter becomes sour and the intimate friendship between you and your spouse starts fading as marriage challenges begin to arise. As all this is happening, take note of certain red flags that warn you. Some of the red flags may take longer to be recognized in a relationship and they may not be obvious to everyone. There are so many of them that we experience differently and at different levels because every marriage is unique. There may be no particular order for these issues to present themselves but you can pick one or two that are significant in your marriage relationship.
Poor communication
When a good marriage relationship is beginning, there is a lot of communication and excitement. When no more calls or sms, not even WhatsApp messages come in regularly, know that there is trouble in your marriage and ensure you find out where the challenge could be coming from. Others enjoy talking more on their phones than talking with you. In public, they prefer chatting with others than you. When you comment about it, you are shown that you no longer matter. When also your spouse starts to talk or respond to you rudely even where it’s not necessary or on small matters is a negative signal.
Secretive talks and hiding while on a call
Where there is no open communication between the two, challenges of being secretive start to crop in and you find one of you prefer talking to others while hiding or when he/she receives a call prefers to extend far from you. Such incidences should tell you that this person is no longer comfortable with you and there is something you should not listen to. Even when you no longer feel free to share your secrets with him/her and vice versa, no trust anymore, it shows that it is not good enough any longer.
Believes in or consults others for matters concerning your family
Marriage is a relationship between the two of you and it involves growing and working together. If your spouse or you find it easy to first consult others on what you want to do other than your spouse, there is danger. If s/he does not see value to seek your consent when there is something to be done, it is sometimes an indicator that you are not compatible anymore.
No sex anymore and sexual infidelity
One thing that makes marriage enjoyable is sex. But when this is no longer happening as it used to be and there is no clear explanation from your spouse or someone gives every excuse every time you advance to make a request, then get to know that troubles are beginning to eat up your intimate relationship. Some people are no longer interested in their spouses and they find it easy to cheat.
Complains about every small thing
Some spouses all of a sudden start to complain about everything or criticize every small thing you do, rather than complimenting you. Even when you try your best, your spouse trashes it and you are no longer sure what makes him/her happy, it could be that he/she is using it as a way to signify that I am tired of you.
Coming home late
When someone who is always at home early enough or when he/she delays somewhere ensures that you are aware now starts coming at any time of the night and he is not bothered to inform that I will be coming late or when he/she gets home, the person is not remorseful should challenge you to find out.
Running away from you
We have heard spouses who run from their homes and prefer staying either alone or with their parents or friends. They look at staying with you as very uncomfortable even when you never quarreled or had any fight. It may not be about your bad behavior but someone decides to leave without your knowledge or under the disguise that I am having a short time of leaving somewhere. Others may always threaten to leave you especially when there is a small argument.
Alcoholism and drug abuse
Excessive drinking or use of other substances like drugs, smoking, etc usually under the disguise of searching for peace in a marriage relationship should alert you to be awake. If you find that your spouse’s drinking habits are increasing and prefer to spend more time away than at home may itself show that there is something not going on well.
There are so many factors that can signal you that things are not good in my marriage relationship which may have not been mentioned here. Others could be issues of selfishness, no conflict resolution, no sharing of plans together, withdrawal from family support, reporting you to friends or relatives on anything you do, threats to kill you, no more fun in your marriage, when you ask, you are told to mind your business, controlling behavior, non-resolution of past relationships and many more are some of the issues you should not take for granted when they arise. These cause abuse physically, emotionally, and spiritually and affect your intimacy.
The writer is a child advocate, parenting coach, and marriage counselor. Find more of his articles Here.
tumudickson@gmail.com
