At the time we thought we were done with COVID-19 pandemic and we were getting back to normal, a second wave hit us again with its related effects that have left devastating challenges among families. We have had cases of domestic violence on the rise, economic challenges, loss of our beloved, no schooling among others becoming part of us. As a result, communication in our marriages may become hard to open up freely because of what you could be experiencing. You are not alone in this storm and it’s better openness and free sharing remain on top of your marriage. I share with you some tips how to walk along together with your spouse and family.
Communicate effectively
There are some spouses who think that their partners will read their non-verbal communication and tell what they need. If the partner is not sensitive enough to detect it, the one grieved will feel so bad. I don’t see the reason why you cannot express your feelings to your spouse directly and be specific to what you need from him/her. When you want something from your spouse, be direct and use simple language that he/she will easily understand. Express your negative feelings constructively and try to act out of anger. Anger brings more problems than providing a solution. Ensure that you understand each other well in your communication and there is clear feedback.
Listen to your spouse
There are times when you feel you need to express your feelings to your spouse. But when you reach out to him/her, the partner is not willing to give you time. Some tend to be on defensive and others just hear and stop at that. Pay attention first, listen well and don’t be defensive. Even if you feel what is mentioned are mere allegations, stay calm and let your spouse first finish and them bring out your points with clarity. You don’t need to shut up the person when s/he is still talking. You may miss the main point.
Be transparent
These are desperate days that need a couple to be one and work together. I have heard of couples who have projects that their partners have no crew about. Some have a lot of money on accounts that their spouses are not aware of. Others have mobile money on phones but can never share pin numbers even at a point of death. Some spouses can’t even dare make their partners or children as Next of Kin yet you are making life together, saving for their future. We have seen people who have gone to the hospital when they are not worse during this COVID-19 pandemic but don’t make it back home. Even when they are on oxygen and they realize they may die, they can’t open up to their spouses about their wealth details, how to handle their property in the absence of the will. If you trust your spouse with your life, why is it hard to trust him/her with your wealth? If you want him/her to take care of you every time, why can’t you be transparent enough to share everything like you expect all the care from this person? Avoid keeping secrets in marriage and be honest to each other. Amos 3:3 says that “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?”
Don’t shy away from sharing your frustrations
This pandemic has grossly affected everyone in one way or the other. You could be totally frustrated because your business collapsed, you lost a job, all of you are at home, and children have no food, the bank demands its loan, debtors call you daily among others. You may be scared of the future because of all the losses you have incurred and now you feel even your spouse should not know some of your frustrations. That will not strengthen your marriage because you will end up mentally disturbed, withdrawn from your family members, get health challenges and solve nothing. A problem shared is half way solved. Sit with your spouse and children, open up to what is eating you up and seek solutions together for two are better than one (Ecclesiastes 4:9).
Share the little you have
Even when things are not like before, you still remain one and no situation is permanent. Don’t hide what you have and think about you alone. If you are still earning and your spouse is not working, share that little earning until the situation normalizes. Be your spouse’s number one encourager.
Trust God
Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that He knows the plans he has for you; they are plans for good not disaster to give you a future and a hope. This should keep you moving and hopefully knowing well that God is in control and soon, he will settle every storm you are going through and you will emerge victorious.
The writer is a child advocate, parenting coach and marriage counselor. More articles by the author Here
tumudickson@gmail.com
