Recently I took my son for P.1 entry interviews at one school in the country. I anticipated the whole process would take us one hour. However, after an hour of waiting for him to finish so that we go back home with his results, a teacher came to me only to say: “We cannot see your son, he has not started doing his interview.”
I could tell by his facial expressions that he thought the child is “unserious and stubborn.” Nevertheless, we were able to locate him. The teacher finally gave him a paper to write and moved out. To my surprise, the young lad also moved out to play. Honestly, I also felt somehow disappointed and a bit furious, but had to exercise patience.
When he went back to do his papers, he came to me shortly after saying he had finished the English paper, and that he had done almost three quarters of the Math paper. He told me: “I can’t finish the whole paper because I don’t know some numbers, and pages are many yet I am tired and hungry. I have finished Daddy.”
Luckily enough, he passed very well. Kids of these days are really bold!
The key lesson learnt are that we must learn and understand our children very well. We must give them an opportunity to express themselves to us freely. If he was able to get an average of 80% in all the papers, then I believe his future is promising. This calls us to encourage our children for greater heights than condemning them for what we may look at as “stubbornness” or “laziness.”
Other people may not understand why your child behaves the way he/she does and obviously they will be quick to judge, comment or say what they think. But the yard stick is that as a parent, you know your child better and you know how you handle him/her. You also know the relationship you have with him/her. However, don’t allow him/her to stumble others in the process. Paul says “It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything to cause your brother to stumble.” (Romans 14:21). Sometimes, we should never allow our children’s actions, behavior, name it stumble others. We should teach them self-control and respect especially when they are in public.
During a discussion with the mother that night, the boy was able to explain clearly how he did two (2) papers and passed. He explained how and why he did not do some numbers, the challenges he faced and what he thought the teachers should have done among others. These are some of the things he did not tell me when we were together. Listening carefully to your children will always bring out something you may never have known or expected. This will give you a chance to offer guidance where necessary.
There are hidden abilities that our children have, but these can only be discovered if we always take time to listen to them, play with them, have fun together, and most importantly be slow to judge or condemn them. Remember, all children are unique and gifted differently. Take time to learn and understand your own child. Don’t mind what the teachers or other people say about him/her. Ask yourself, what do I see in my child?
To bring my point home, we do read in the bible that Christ Himself asked His disciples what people say about Him. Then, He again paused the same question to them “But who do you (yourselves) say that I am? (Matthew 16:15 Amp).
It does not matter what side B people know about you or your child. What is important is for you to believe in your child as you believe in your spouse or yourself.
Even when all arms around you condemn or judge your child for any reason, it is only you who can say “wait a minute”, I know he is like this and that and he is still my child. He/she is still your child and you can’t change that. Some of what we see could be the work of the devil trying to disorganize him/her or a generation curse. First think about how to help your child become a better person before judging.
The writer is a child advocate and a parenting coach.
tumudickson@gmail.com
