By Dickson Tumuramye
OPINION | In the middle of this month, news started spreading about PLE and USE results to be released soon. Our children and parents who were waiting for exams were engulfed by anxiety, awaiting to hear their performance. On 17th Jan. 2019, PLE were released and majority got to know how things worked out.
Some parents and guardians received news of the exam results with joy while others were disappointed by how their children performed. There are some who expected to get 4 or 5 aggregates, but they got 8 and above. I know one who cried uncontrollably for getting 11 aggregates instead of four and even the daddy showed his disappointment. It seemed as if the child was worthless – and had spent their huge amount of school fees in vain.
As others celebrated to have come in first grade, this very child in the same grade looked at himself as the worst failure. This was partly because of how parents also looked at him and joined him in lamenting and judging him as a failure. I wish I could know how this father performed at his PLE but some information is never shared or sometimes, you fear to ask a lot from some people.
Parents need to learn how to first appreciate their children for what they have been able to achieve even when they feel disappointed. Your reaction towards your child can completely construct or destroy his or her esteem for life. Even when this child is better, something small could have happened, thus failure to achieve what you all expected should not call for condemnation. It instead needs you to comfort your child and take an effort of showing support in everything.
When a child has also come down, s/he is now calm, you can talk about it but don’t condemn or judge. Before judging, first put yourself in the shoes of the child; what if it were me and my parent is reacting to me like this when I did my best, how would I feel?
There is a high possibly that all is not lost. This child can still make it better in secondary school. Sometimes we rush into conclusions before studying the circumstances or realizing our own mistakes. We fail to provide space for our children to rectify their mistakes or recognize their failures.
There are parents who think that the best academic performing children at school will be successful in life tomorrow. They are taken as wise almost in everything, under-looking those with poor grades as failures. Judge not your child’s future success by school’s grades. We are created and gifted differently. The uniqueness in every child’s life is greatly dependent on how you perceive it as a parent and how well you stand with each child individually during such times.
Failure is part of life. My today’s failures may not necessarily cause any influence to my tomorrow’s success. It is our attitude that can influence how our tomorrow will look like. And on the side of the child, a parent plays a big role to help a child realize that. Some parents make it worse when they deny their children certain things or punish them when they don’t excel to their expectations. That is only one level of education a child just failed to perform better. I read in newspapers about students in recent Makerere University graduation who didn’t do well at UCE but that did not stop them from getting first classes.
We are now waiting for UCE and UACE results. In case things don’t happen the way you expect, still there is hope in everything. Kindly appreciate your children for what they did and work out a better plan together so that a child will leave to depend on your support. Control your emotions before your child in case you feel disappointed about it but show love to him/her.
The writer is a child advocate and a counselor based in Kampala
