Ms. Nsibirwa Suzan joined Vision Group in February 2011 as the Head of Marketing. For the very first time, she gathered the strength and courage to share how she went through divorce.
This was during the Red Sofa Sessions, an event that gathers hundreds of Christians at Garden City – Kampala monthly.
For how long were you married and what brought about the divorce?
I was married three and a half years. Reason I am not so much into details now is because, its many years later and he has moved on, he has a new family and I don’t want to stir debate – I respect that .
It was tough, especially because I had to many young ladies looking up to me. I’m in ministry – in Church leading worship. I’m supposed to have it all together. But one major thing was just not coming together. It was falling apart.
It was difficult but my pastors at that time knew what was going on. They were very open to me and always there. That actually helped me in the vital round… during the very difficult time.
It made me see that my life is not going to be defined by this, and even though things were not working out – they encouraged me – they were like two big brothers at that time. Which is exactly what I needed.
I would call them anytime to just cry and weep my eyes out on the floor. That just helped me to release my pain and see that I was not alone – that though I could not understand why this was happening, I would just cry out to the pastor and say; he is going, Pastor he is leaving.
And my pastor would say; you know what Suzan, let him go. You have done nothing but cry all the time. After he is gone, we will see how to work it out, but first, let him go if that’s what he wants.
Marriage done – finalized divorce – its done. How did the church receive you?
It was a difficult position for the church really. And I’m not going to blame anyone and I am not going to call myself a victim of circumstance because in every relationship, it takes two to tangle. But what happened happened. I understand where the church comes from – putting their heads in the sand and not acknowledging this is happening or refusing to acknowledge it is happening because the bible is clear, verses are there that God hates divorce. But yet here I find myself.
I remember actually, one of the lawyers I went to, and said, this thing is coming to its end. And I told him, I need you to help us do the paper work – he couldn’t. He booked a hotel room, sat in the middle, called my ex-husband and said; today we are going to talk. I have ordered for breakfast, lunch and supper. We are not leaving this place till we are sorted.
But, lets say the food was hardly eaten, and the issues were not resolved. The lawyer said, I am a christian and cannot do this. I’m conflicted I cannot end this. I totally appreciated it – we tried to sort us out and many more people tried to – God bless their souls.
Church added insult to the injury?
My pastors understood the complexity of what I was going through but it was too difficult – when you show up to church and every one is asking; Where is your husband? How is your husband?
Even when they had not seen his for over eight months, they were still calling me; Where is your husband? Those were the difficult moments. They probably had the rumors, but are not direct to ask if I has actually divorced.
One day we had gone for a church retreat – a couple of years later – seated by the born fire – It is here that I stood up and said; Guys, this is it, this is what happened, it ended, so please do not ask me anymore. And I was surprised, people were hugging me, letting me, its Ok.
Is there a possibility that you will marry again?
I don’t know. I’m really open. I have so many friends who have re-married. It is obviously an issue of how do you do it, where do you do it – these questions are always hanging up on you. What people’s opinions are. So I am open to what ever it is God would have me do.
Open word to someone out there?
Be prepared. These days marriages are shorter than short. Prepare your self and heart. Don’t simply believe that because you are two Christians it is going to work its self out. Prepare yourself and know that it takes work and above all Marriage is made of commitment, stick to the commitment. Work it out through prayer, fasting with friends. Marriage is a life long commitment- As you are going through the emotions, understands it is a life long commitment because that is what the bible says.
God does not waste pain. Pain is too precious in his hand for him to waste. My key take way from this is how amazingly and overwhelmingly the Lord loves me. I have been through worst things than a broken marriage. My life is one of those where I have come from a death bed in hospital and to me, that is worse than someone packing his bags and leaving.
But I know God loves me unconditionally. It doesn’t matter where I have been, God loves me unconditionally. And this love continuously washes over me. At a time you feel you can not move the next step, he provides you with the grace to take that step.
Live is not about us. Life is about how we impact other people and leave a legacy that lasts. Write your personal mission statement and by the grace of God start living by it.
