Some years back, I kept returning to the Lord with a broken heart over a relationship that I felt was supposed to work, but just didn’t. I prayed so much over this dearly loved person.
I believed that if I gave 100 percent to the relationship, it would be 50 percent better until it grew to become a truly healthy, God-honoring relationship. I went on like this for years.
Eventually, totally worn out, I asked God why He kept allowing this relationship to hurt me so much. I felt the Holy Spirit press the same question into my heart, “Why are you allowing this relationship to hurt you so much?”
Then in my devotional reading, I noticed a few Proverbs say things like “do not associate with” XYZ person. I did a quick word search through Scripture to find a number of red flags God gives His children to follow in the relationship department.
I wasn’t in a covenant relationship with this person (marriage), yet I was absolutely bound to them despite the clear direction of Scripture not to align my heart with them.
As I struggled with this relationship and how to walk in God’s truth and grace in the midst of it, I confided to one of my Christian friends how discouraged I was over my inability to follow what I thought Scripture was instructing me; that I should be content with insults (2 Corinthians 12:10), and that suffering well finds favor with God (1 Peter 2:20), so I felt I should be able to just live in this pain and do it well.
She pointed out that when we go the extra mile for someone or suffer those insults, it’s generally for the purpose of our witness.
But this person was a professing believer and my actions weren’t witnessing. Even when I spoke about the pain I felt, and tried to confront their inappropriate behavior, I was simply told that “love covers all sin” and clearly, I didn’t have enough love. So I felt guilty for hurting and ashamed that I couldn’t figure out how to be healthy in this relationship.
Eventually I felt the Lord impress on my heart “You are not your own, you were bought with a price” (1 Corinthians 6:19). You are choosing not to obey by being in this relationship. It’s not a matter of you being mean or nice. It’s a matter of you choosing to obey Me, the One who paid the price for your heart.”
Sometimes, we allow ourselves to endure unnecessary wounding in relationships because we figure it’s our duty or because it brings us to a place of humility that honors Christ.
While there are a plethora of verses that instruct us to take up our cross and follow Christ (Mark 8:34), there’s much needed discernment in applying godly wisdom to our relationships as well.
Finding balance in relationships isn’t easy! But at the end of the day, our heart belongs to our Lord! It is of great worth to Him, and no longer belongs to us. May we all grow in wisdom to know the true cost of our heart and guard it with honor.
Recognize that if you feel lonely in the friendship, it might be because God wants you to lean into Him more right now instead of being distracted with people. Cultivate your relationship with the Lord first and foremost!
Adapted: April Motl | Crosswalk.com Contributor
