By Dickson Tumuramye
Most people’s dream in life is to marry and raise a family. The biggest expectation is to have children and in our African culture, they play an important role in the strong foundation and happiness of any marriage. Children also get proud of the families they come from and this is not only dependant on family’s financial status but on how best they are well groomed by their parents.
As we raise and groom these children, there is a need for us to instil family values in them. This comes with the bigger vision the family has or the picture you see in your mind when you think about how you desire your family life to look like in future. But if I may ask, do you have a vision and a mission which your children know very well? Is your family focused on a similar goal or each one of you is taking his/her own way? What makes your family unique. Our children need to grow up with the familiarity of what the family stands for, well knowing where you have come from and where you are heading. This must be clear so that you are raising a family with a known purpose.
Some children love to be identified by their father’s names as others already share names with them. But that may not necessarily be your family identity. The family identity is what all of you as a family are known of. Defining and establishing a strong family identity can help your family live fulfilling happy lives and cultivate a strong family relationship.
Some families also have a common statement which they keep referring to. Can the children grow knowing that as the Tumuramyes, we don’t entertain this and that in our family, this is what we do or how we do things as the Tumuramyes? Our vision and objectives are these so that much of what they do is aligned to that? Family identity helps children and the entire family develop a strong and healthy self-identity
Can we have our children guided by our family identity? Can they know that the Tumuramyes don’t drink alcohol, no using drugs and other substances, we are Christians, we are business oriented, our family values visitors, and we love this and hate that. Our boys don’t plait hair, girls don’t get pregnant here among others. Can we develop a balance score card? Can we desire our children to call it a model family? I have read some studies and they show that children who report a strong connection to family tend to be less promiscuous and face less risk of drug and alcohol abuse.
The shared identity will guide the children to do things with a conscious mind knowing that there is a minimum standard in our family. Children should be reminded of such identity in instances where they are drifting away. Not all may work out as you desire, but as a parent, you will have done your part and the rest remains in the hands of God. My comfort is what Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in a way he should go and when he grows up, he will never depart from it.” If you play your part, this may put them back in order and keep them responsible.
The writer is a child advocate, Kampala
