In a young marrieds fellowship I lead, I told my members that we are going to share about divorce today. Most members looked at me with disbrief and asked me, “our brother are you running crazy? How can you talk about divorce when almost all of us haven’t even made 3 years in marriage?” I looked very strange before them but I boldly assured them, it’s our today’s topic.
Listening without choice about this “how can it be” a topic, I started asking them questions (1) what is divorce? (2) how does it come about? (3) who is vulnerable to divorce? (4) how should we distance ourselves from such so that it may never cross our minds or happen in our marriages? I assure you before the middle of the discussion, the reality of the matter started hitting us hard as if some were already contemplating over it. By the time we finished the fellowship, majority repented in ashes.
Now I ask you as you read this article; have you ever thought about separating with or divorcing your spouse? Did you ever know that as Christians, divorce in the New Testament happens except for one circumstance and that is only adultery? Matthew 5:32 “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” However, this only talks about divorcing your wife and misses out on men. Yet we have instances these days where women are also applying for divorce. Nonetheless, do you know that God hates divorce? Malachi 2:16: “I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel. “I hate it when one of you does such a cruel thing to his wife.” Make sure that you do not break your promise to be faithful to your wife.
There are so many causes of divorce both internal and external. Usually the internal ones vary from unfaithfulness, denial of or failure to meet conjugal rights, insubordination, poor or no communication, disrespecting your husband (you know husbands like respect like nothing), unresolved conflicts, unavailability/absence of a spouse, telling lies, unrealistic expectations, provocative talks, drunkenness, lack of intimacy, loss of love, lack of cooperation/disunity name them. The external ones can include; influence of in-laws from all sides, poverty, sicknesses, barrenness, loss of a job, peer influence, unfaithful/adultery. There are other many more reasons some which seem minor but they make it uncomfortable between the couples to the extent of partying ways.
Knowing from God that marriage is a life covenant between a husband and wife until death sets them apart, the desire for every couple should be to live far away from the imagination of divorce. The best way is to see how best we can live in good harmony with each other as one flesh. To begin with, living according to our vows for worse for better, in good health and sickness, in riches and poverty till death sets us apart would can make us work out strategies of fulfilling this. It is unfortunate that some churches shun such vows and they no longer even mention them, as if there can be no challenges in marriage which can result into divorce and I am not staying that making vows is automatic that you can never divorce, but confession is possession.
Every time I reflect on my vows, I am reminded to work out my marriage with fear and trembling as I work out my own salvation. There is strong power in marriage vows. So how much value have you placed on the vows you swore to your spouse before the face of your God and a big witness that day of your wedding? How about the many promises you made during courtship and after wedding? How best can we get back to our first love? How much have you sat down together to resolve your issues? Have you sought God’s guidance in this? What is God saying?
Before you run to court, have you sought help from bestman/matron, close friends, parents, go-between, counselor, your pastor/Reverend? Have you exhausted all options? Have you discussed your final decision to separate or divorce with your children? Have they been involved in knowing what is happening without being lured to your side in selfishness to support you? Have you thought about their custody if you were to leave them with your ex-partner?
However, in the instances where your life is under danger and you are threatened day and night to be killed, you have no option but to run for your life. You are better off alive to take care of your children from a distance than leaving them orphans. But where things can be settled, divorce may never be an option. Avoid making any decision out of anger or any influence. The life you live is only for you and your family after God.
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