If there is a statement that I have heard these days the most from Christian Ladies, its the statement below:
“Christian men are slow..”
This is by far the longest post I have written in a long while. This needs to end today. For those that don’t know what “slow” means in this context then, you are the ones who “make us get abused” You are slow, lol. Ok, seriously now.
Until you understand the place Christian men are in, I would not recommend you to make uninformed comments about them because such comments instead reinforce the “slowness” in them and, they produce off-springs who are not confident in themselves..
Instead of wanting to “put your point across”, empower them. They will out perform your expectations.Yeah, hard truth.
Sometimes I wonder, How come christian men don’t say things like “Christian women are ugly” on Facebook? Because it’s not true. We cannot compare you to Zari or Nicky Minaj…That’s an unequal scale. These are different women who lack the fiber you Christian women have. You have more to offer than plastics bums. Christian men are more than baboons (Its those animals that choose mates based on the size and color of their bottoms.)
We – Christian men go past just looks (as much as they matter too.) We want you for who you are, ‘Okitegera’. (You don’t need all that make up to qualify…You are qualified simply because you have the DNA of Christ.) Nicky cannot sort our child when they are sick..You can. Beyonce can’t lift our spirits, you can. Kim K’s looks don’t guarantee favor before the Lord. But you ladies are a jackpot.
So let’s stop that cheap talk…and suggest ways of how to bringing the best out of our christian men…Just like what am trying to do. Christian women do it like that.
So let’s get to today’s gist. Eeehhhh hard start.
Why do christian men take long to ask a lady out?
Men are confused not mentally but emotionally sometimes. For example, You get in a room, you notice him, he notices you. He tries to say hi but you ignore him. You spend a lot of time talking to everyone else except him. You literally friend zone him in your ignorance.
You say mean things, turn him down multiple times as your version of playing “hard to get”. Why would you be playing ” hard to get” with the guy you have always wanted to get..I don’t understand the logic. You are busy disturbing God last night in the prayer meeting for a guy. The guy comes around and you start playing.
Who is fooling who? You aren’t fooling the guy…
The renown quotes we get from the world like “a man chases a girl till he catches her..” That does not apply in our kingdom. (I know am kicking all the things you have glorified as a woman..but most of those things are the actually barriers you are having.) We are often told “real men chase after a woman”. I have no problem with you being chased/pursue.
But here is the reality. Often its shyness that makes a woman shrink from someone she likes or, insecurity. Which means she wants to be asked several times to be sure he really likes her. Books even tell them that if they make it too easy for the man, he will lose interest.. So don’t be too quick to return that call or agree to that date.
Ladies, game playing is not for grown ups. Its counter productive and cruel. If a man you like asks you out, say “yes”..of course it maybe not be immediately but at least within a day. And if it’ a “NO” let it be so. We will go back and lick our wounds. Men tend to have a self healing property. Hahahaha. Don’t claim to be busy, caught up etc. You are only giving the guy false hope. Let your “No” be straight forward. Don’t waste the guy’s emotional energy. But in a polite way.
If she says “NO”, guys d0n’t persist, just let it go. It can be abundantly annoying when you say No and a guy keeps on in boxing you all those ” Hi” “Good morning.” Its crazy how you are “thirsty”, someone presents you with water and you start to play hide and seek….Really..what do you still need?
Men are intimidated by successful women sometimes. And it cuts across. All men often get intimidated.
5/10 of all the women these days even Christians want to slay. It’s not bad because I also do some times.
The dear lady carries an iphone 6s worth 1.5 million. During the service she flips it in your face as you hide your luganda bible. Who remembers those bibles..in confirmation classes…’Ekitabo Ekitukirivu, lol’
You – dear lady carry a Louis Vuitton leather bag worth 250k. That’s twice the guys tithe. You change your hair weekly from lady Charlotte – Jinja Road at 150k. You do weekly shopping of new clothes worth 600k.
So you literally spend minimum 1.5 million on just as maintenance costs per month. And by the way, you have not eaten yet. Jesus Christ, How did I forget?…You have your meals from Mediterraneo Restaurant at Acacia Mall.
A freaking glass of juice is 20k. Is that juice pressed by Angel Michael. ‘Akatunda ka lukumi..Okitegera’?
So if she comes with 2 other friends.. You are guaranteed of washing plates. All the photos you take are at Cafe Javas, Mediterraneo, Serena, Sheraton. The brother last entered there to fumigate the place when he was doing some part time work, lol.
The brothers side.
A good average paying job nets about 700k meaning you are privileged to be grossing about 1 million shillings. He pays rent for his house minimum 150k, sends his mum 50k, gross tithe of 100k, church building or any other project 50-100k, debts 100k, transport 150k minimum if you are spending 5k daily.
That leaves him with 50k for reserve, food and sisters who keep asking for “housing” at church and you don’t want to disappoint. You know those saying, ‘Bulaza tavaako ssente’ (meaning brother is stingy.) How do you expect this brother to make a move..with what? Mere words…Where will he take you? Are you seeing the burden on this man of God?
The thing with independent, successful women is that they are naturally attractive. So its OK ladies to be successful. But how do we use that to our advantage? If the guy asks you out, he will do his best best to fit into your shoes by taking you to a place he can afford.
Don’t criticize the beans if you don’t like them..Eat quietly and finish. He is doing his best..truth me. Motivate him. Ask when you can try them again! Yeah..like seriously.
Maybe after like 2 dates, suggest to him that you found a nice place (wherever you have been dying to go)..of course he might not say that he is scared but he will be. Suggest to pay like half the bill. That will motivate him. If he declines, its OK. Probably he is saving up some money to take you there. Remember he spent all his salary trying to make you happy. So give him at least 2 months to sort himself.
Sincerely.. Check this background and understand what these guys have to go through to make a move.
Society’s expectations
In the environment (church circles) we are in, men are under so much the spotlight. Asking a girl out is like stealing a chicken in the neighborhood. Everyone knows.
So he better be right…
Let me weigh for you the odds. An average guy has 3 girls he is looking at. Leave alone the 1000 Facebook female friends who are always displaying their thighs like they are on sale at a meat butcher. Not forgetting the “canned biscuit” babes on Instagram.
You have a man exposed to over 1000 women daily who society expects to choose the “right one.” How do you expect him to do that when you – your self cannot choose your own university.
The brother struggles to choose a pair of stockings in the morning to come for church and you want him to choose a Lady out of a church with 1000 women. You have seen those brothers in morning service especially 8am who have mismatching stockings. Chances are that he will fail to choose the “right woman”..because of pressure. In the light of many decisions, we can all agree that often you make no decision at all.
Ladies, if I may ask..if you were in a forest and there is a lion and you are given one bullet to survive. That’s it or you are dead. Would you shoot at the monkeys in the trees that are throwing bananas at you, no! Would you shoot at the birds making noise? No! Why? They are not your business. You only have one shot and you better be right or you are dead.
When people see you not shooting at the monkeys, birds, etc, they think you are “slow”, you don’t know what you want. The thing is, you don’t have that many bullets to waste. So it is with the christian culture we have been raised in, there is a very thin room for error or otherwise you may become a sermon…till Jesus returns.
Unlike men in the world, they will see you, like you and propose to you…the next day after bedding you..they are gone.. Such men are “fast” to win your heart and only give it back to you broken.
Then you start hating all of us who didn’t send you there. “All men are dogs..” Hahaha. So, please don’t add us into your dog – equation. Christian men have a different expectation from society and they have just one shot at this. And many might think they are slow but they just need to be right once.
Therefore help them, if know you are the one they are looking for. Don’t complicate things. Make things obvious. We also hate games as much as you do. Do the things I have been recommending.
I see you, you see me then you go and hide in your friends.. Really.. Be available.. Don’t leave food on the stove at home which will cause you to leave early after service.
Am I speaking to somebody?
