ANSWERS – Marriage is a big step in a relationship. It signifies the commitment and love you have for someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
While having the strong feelings of love towards someone is essential to getting married, other factors are important to consider before walking down the aisle. What is an appropriate level of intimacy before marriage?
Ephesians 5:3 tells us, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity…because these are improper for God’s holy people.”
A lot of youth these days are taking what we call the “purity pledge,” wherein they vow not to have sex until they get married. This is the right thing to do.
I’m all for people putting off sex until they’re adults and can handle the ramifications. Because even with safe sex, sex comes with responsibilities. It does tend to emotionally bond you to someone, and that can mean getting emotionally attached to the wrong person.
Once sex enters the equation, a relationship is never the same.
Anything that even “hints” of sexual immorality is inappropriate for a Christian before marriage. The Bible does not give us a list of what qualifies as a “hint” or tell us what physical activities are approved for a couple to engage in before marriage.
However, just because the Bible does not specifically address the issue does not mean God approves of “pre-sexual” activity before marriage. By essence, foreplay is designed to get one ready for sex. Logically then, foreplay should be restricted to married couples. Anything that can be considered foreplay should be avoided until marriage.
If there is any doubt whatsoever whether an activity is right for an unmarried couple, it should be avoided (Romans 14:23). Any and all sexual and pre-sexual activity should be restricted to married couples.
An unmarried couple should avoid any activity that tempts them toward sex, that gives the appearance of immorality, or that could be considered foreplay. Many pastors and Christian counselors strongly advise a couple to not go beyond holding hands, hugging, and light kissing before marriage.
This may sound creepy but you might want to treat the person you are dating as someone else’s future husband or wife. You wouldn’t do anything inappropriate with someone else’s spouse would you? It’s another practical safeguard to help you treat the person you’re dating with the utmost respect and to do your part in helping to protect his or her purity.
In the end, if you are walking with the Lord and seeking him in your relationship, you will be open to the conviction and leading of the Holy Spirit. But also use your God-give brain power and do your part.
Make smart decisions about how and where and when you spend time with someone you are dating. If you are careful and intentional about your physical boundaries in your dating relationship, then I believe you can be protected from the harmful consequences that can happen when purity is not the goal.
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