I recently lost my very good friend. He left a widow and 4 children; 3 boys and one girl. One of the boys has typically become a problem to his mum. She is not only nursing the loss of her husband but also the wicked behavior of her son who is threatening to throw her out of his father’s property.
This is something that did not start only after the death of the father. It started way back when the boy was in his secondary school. He got addicted to drug abuse and alcoholism. The parents got to know about all this late. Before his death, the father had tried rehabilitating this boy and there were promising results. However, after a short period of time, there was always a re-occurrence of the behavior.
The mother is now traumatized by what is happening. She worked hard with her husband to see a better future for their children. Unfortunately, the boy is becoming a total nuisance in the community. He dropped out of school; he is not doing anything to develop himself. The little money he gets goes into substance abuse.
All may not yet be lost with this boy. The mother is still working hard to make sure that he does not lose him completely. She is confident that her son can change. She is so deliberate in making sure that her son changes. As long as the boy is sober, he is the best among other siblings. But let the straw pass his lips, he will fight in bars, he will terrorize others at home the whole night.
The mother has run out of words but she has refused to lose hope of recovery. That is one area of strength I have learnt from her. And I think of all of us as parents need such a heart to be the last to give up. But even in you give up, who else can manage your child better than yourself?
Dealing with your problematic/hyperactive child may not be easy but it can be possible. You need to recognize the kind of a problem your child has especially in terms of behaviors. We all have different temperaments and react differently as we grow up. If it is getting out of your hand, involve professional counseling services when the situation has not yet gone out of control.
Take the person for rehabilitation. This can help the person come back to his/her senses and change forever. Avoid overreacting to your child/spouse especially with strong negative words ever. Even you control your emotions. Don’t get tired of having one-on-one talk with the person. Involve church leaders. Encourage your children to have mentors as early as now. This will help you tomorrow if they happen to follow their mentor’s guidance.
Where there are life threats, involve police where possible before you lose life. Sometimes, you should not take things for granted. Don’t live in denial and look frustrated. Seek God and pray for your child or a spouse daily for transformation. The bible says that there is nothing impossible with God (Matthew 19:26). If you can manage a problematic spouse, how about this very own child?
tumudickson@gmail.com
The writer is a child advocate and a parenting coach.
