The bible says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing…”
In Genesis, we see Abraham filled with excitement when he had to name Eva, and to this day, men and women are always excited in the face of this happening. However, there is a question, “ what causes a shift in excitement about marriage?” To answer this, I put together a list of mistakes that we married people make.
The ministry of the ‘Matron’ and ‘Best Man’
Of late, Christians have failed to make the right choice of who should serve in these two positions. A couple ought to chose a matron and best man they fully respect, and that has been married for a longer time.
For many couples today, it’s about “the big day” and not “the journey.” Our predecessors were seen proficient partly because of this ministry and Church held it with esteem.
While talking to one couple I asked them, “who is your best man?” The husband-to-be responded, “My brother.” I later came to learn that the brother is not even married. To the bride I asked, “Who is your matron?” She replied telling me someone she had no close attachment to. This is a grave mistake.
Put your best efforts into action
I have interacted with married couples, and one thing I always note it that on many occasions, we do not know the right practices to help us rekindle and enjoy marriage. As a couple, you should not just be “stuck with each other.” You should seek God’s wisdom on how you can enjoying each other’s company and do the right things.
Some married people are too loose and saggy to spice up their marriage. This comes as a result of knowing that this is done deal, “what God has joined together, let no man put a sunder.”
Marriages go off truck when couples become lazy to take care of themselves and their household. The happiness and success of any marriage is reflected in the little things you do (and fail to do) for each other. Often times, there are habits that emerge even without notice. The bible calls these things “small foxes that spoil the vine.” They include quarrelsomeness, late coming at home, ungratefulness among others. Absence of intimacy at all levels of your marriage is a mistake with grave impact on your marriage relationship.
Every marriage is presented with the opportunity to become obsolete and degenerate, but you must guard “this vine” from the “small foxes” by instituting a watch tower, where you are both on guard. This mentality of “it is well” shouldn’t be admitted into our marriages just for the sake of it. We must be able to make the right diagnosis for anything foreign in the marriage.
Lack of innovative ways of putting up with all the changes that happens in the family for instance, how to manage oneself in the face of anger, control expenditure, managing and disciplining of children, home management etc. because you as a couple you’re living in an ever changing environment, you can’t afford to remain the same and fuse yourself to old ways of home and self management.
The law
Most times we use the Law or the word of God to defend our failures. Apostle Paul writing to the church asks, “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?” (Rom 6:1).
To tone it down, Paul is asking us as married people, shall you continue to be abusive, arrogant, selfish, self centered, mean, dirty, disorganized, untidy, bad at communication that grace may abound?
The answer is, no. Every Christian couple and anyone who fears God should work with and not against God. By doing this we labor with God to make our marriages better in line with His word.
While we have the feeling that our spouses are obliged to do what is right, according to scripture, we should apply the same measure to ourselves. Grace isn’t selective and because of this, we all ought to do the right thing without pointing to who is to do it first.
derrickibbedi@gmail.com
Derrick Kibbedi is a relationship counselor, married and blessed with four children.
