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T.D. Jakes: Are you granting access to what hurts you?

NEW YORK, NY – NOVEMBER 18: T.D. Jakes attends the”Black Nativity” premiere at The Apollo Theater on November 18, 2013 in New York City. (Photo by Jemal Countess/Getty Images)

By T.D Jakes

“Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.”

Although it may be hard to believe when we are in the midst of struggle, our deepest pain is the catalyst for our transformation.

Yet, healing and growth are not possible if the door is still open to those people and experiences that chip away at your peace.

Are you still allowing people and things that hurt you into your life?

Truthfully, we cannot rebuke a devil that we continually grant access to our lives. You know that you don’t want to live in drama, for example, yet pick up the phone when that friend calls.  He promised he would never put you down again, yet you’ve turned the other cheek so much your head is spinning.

Protection of ourselves, and our core, is critical.

Psychologists have found that slipping into patterns of self-sabotage happens all too easily.  In fact, whether it’s sticking to a health plan, quitting smoking, or removing ourselves from a toxic relationship, 80-90% of us will slide back to what feels familiar.

Yet, researchers have found that we can use what they call “if-then plans” to change our unhealthy emotional patterns.  Simply by thinking, or even writing down, “If (stressor/obstacle) arises, then I will (respond in this way)” gives us a concrete way out.

Reframing these stressors will allow us to cut toxic people and situations out of our lives for good.

It’s been said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Closing the door to what hurts you stops this cycle.

Finding the strength to cut people out of our lives does not mean we hate them, but rather that we are striving to build up our respect for ourselves.  We will no longer stand in the way of our own healing and growth.

The roadblocks and stop signs are up–this road is finally closed.

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