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Secrets in marriage affect the children

By Dickson Tumuramye

Biblically, when you get a partner, the two become one; implying that you do almost everything together.

This ranges from sharing your bodies, secrets, making decisions, planning and building the family, among others. Most couples make vows publicly during weddings to live together in good and bad health, poverty and riches, joy and sorrow and sharing everything until death separates them.

Not only do you say “I do” to your spouse on your wedding day, but throughout your courtship, you also promise to love her/him till heaven kisses the earth. All these seem easier said than done because as you start to stay with this person and get children, become familiar with one another, the story keeps changing.

This is how my cousin sister lost her husband recently. He came back from work at around 7pm, had meals, played with his four-year-old son and enjoyed time with his one-month-old baby.

At around 10pm, the mother and the babies went to bed, and he stayed watching television with other family members until he retired to bed close to 11pm. He appeared to have no complaints of any sickness. By 1:30am, his wife heard him taking deeper breaths twice and struggling for his life.

Because she didn’t have airtime on her phone, she tried to use her husband’s phone to call for a neighbour’s car to rush him to hospital.

However, she never knew her husband’s secret code of his mobile phone. Although he had airtime on his two telephone lines, it could not help. Then she had to use her sister’s phone to request for airtime from a friend afar. Unfortunately, the patient was pronounced dead on reaching the hospital.

Besides, she also didn’t know the bank ATM codes. When she needed money for hospital bills, the ATMs were useless at the critical time.

This woman may not be the only one to have lived in such a secretive marriage environment. Some women claim that the husband’s money is for the family but theirs is for them as women. I have heard of stories where women build houses or own properties without their husbands’ knowledge.

Some men never allow their women to know their businesses and dealings. Yet when you get into trouble, the wife is the best person to take care of you. One should wonder as to why materialistic things should become of much value than your spouse’s life!

The habit of keeping critical things secret from your spouse should stop. Marriage without transparency in communication and transactions is doomed to fail. Such problems affect both of you and your offspring.

Spare the children from your ego and selfish living, and protect your family as you would wish for your materialistic things which you will leave any time.

If you cannot trust your spouse with a mere pin code of your phone, why would you trust that all the children she has are yours?

As the saying goes that when two elephants fight, it’s the grass that suffers! In such family scenario, your children become the victim of your in-fights and misunderstandings. Let whatever we do be in the interest of your children as both parents. The rest keep them to yourselves as long as the children are not affected.

The writer is a child advocate.

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